“For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it.” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“White people are drawn to farmer’s markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that if you release… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“This is because white people need to show off the books that they have read. Just as hunters will mount the heads of their… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it.” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer's market without hitting a pair. In fact, at outdoor gatherings you should count the number of Wayfarers so you can determine exactly how white the event is. If… — Christian Lander Copy Share
“You don't have to be white to be white, you just have to be rich.” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“It is the dream of every white person to be able to resolve all conflicts by complaining to unrelated parties. Because of this, white… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option until a… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as Muslims have… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“Just as hunters will mount the heads of the kills, white people need to let people know that they have made their way to… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“When white people envision their perfect home, it always has hardwood floors. In fact, most white people would prefer a dirt floor over wall-to-wall… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
“If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse.” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
