Funny Quotes by Terry Pratchett

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience

— Terry Pratchett

The price of being the best is having to be the best.

— Terry Pratchett

Nothing but dust and fundamentalists.

— Terry Pratchett

“Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!”

— Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

— Terry Pratchett

Either all days are holy or none are.

— Terry Pratchett

“They didn't have to be funny — they were father jokes.”

— Terry Pratchett

What's money interested in? More money.

— Terry Pratchett

Not all questions are answered, but fortunately some answers are questioned.

— Terry Pratchett

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

— Terry Pratchett

But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush…

— Terry Pratchett

Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.

— Terry Pratchett

What do you call those things you find at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful Gangsters?

— Terry Pratchett

Everyday took an age to go by, which was odd, because days plural went past like a stampede.

— Terry Pratchett

“. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.”

— Terry Pratchett

Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits.

— Terry Pratchett

“He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human…

— Terry Pratchett

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh…

— Terry Pratchett

“Saw a funny thing this mornin’,” he said. “Saw a monkey in the quad. Bold as brass.” “Oh, yes,” said the Bursar,…

— Terry Pratchett

“Here you are. Would you like some pickles?” “Pickles gives me the wind something awful.” “In that case—” “Oh, I wasn’t saying…

— Terry Pratchett

“On the other hand the Nac Mac Feegle were always looking for a fight, in a cheerful sort of way, and when…

— Terry Pratchett

“Not for the first time in the history of the universe, someone for whom communication normally came as effortlessly as a dream…

— Terry Pratchett

“the Ankh-Morpork Trespassers' Society was originally the Explorers' Society until Lord Vetinari forcibly insisted that most of the places 'discovered' by the…

— Terry Pratchett

“It was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And probably the man *would* have…

— Terry Pratchett

“But I thought she thought he was just a big pile of jobbies?” he said. “I seen her oout walkin’, an’ when…

— Terry Pratchett

“Good so be would you if, duff plum of helping second A," said the Bursar. The table fell silent. "Did anyone understand…

— Terry Pratchett

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire'…

— Terry Pratchett

The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time…

— Terry Pratchett

“The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like…

— Terry Pratchett

“Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching…

— Terry Pratchett

Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

— Terry Pratchett

“We all have our funny little ways. Except me, obviously.”

— Terry Pratchett

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

— Terry Pratchett

If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.

— Terry Pratchett

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

— Terry Pratchett

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the…

— Terry Pratchett

“The truly smart, having discovered they are cleverer than the people around them, soon learn that the smartest thing of all for…

— Terry Pratchett

“Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature? I don't think I shall bother,…

— Terry Pratchett