Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk.… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad,… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers? — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
You spend a lot more time on your own as an only child. And there's space to allow your imagination to take flight. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
