May your vibrator be fully charged upon your arrival home from seeing Magic Mike. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That person in class that always acts like theyre damn Albert Einstein. Calm the hell down bro. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
First women subtract from their age, then they divide it, and then they extract its square root. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Okayy, I feel like I'm blowing up your newsfeed with things from my summer bucket list. Sorry! I'm done for now:P hahaha — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: Where is your book? Student: At home. Teacher: What's it doing there? Student: Having more fun than me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how we do nice things for people and nobody ever notice it. But once we make only one mistake, they'll… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Went to This Weird Store haha were Nutella was only $1.79 And at Wal-mart its like 4 dollars a jar! so I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You think I'm shy and boring & you don't like me because of that but I don't really care. You just don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dora: What was your favorite part? You: My favorite part was - Dora: I liked that part too! You: DON'T INTERRUPT ME,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: On a scale from 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am? Boy: 9 Girl: Why?? Boy: Because I'm the 1 for you — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Boss's Day to someone who walked into almost as big of a mess as Obama did. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My friends are getting married. I'm getting drunk. I think we know who the real winner is. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When some one tells you expect the unexpected slap them and say you didn't expect that did you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I didn't say you were a slut...I just implied that you don't sleep in your own bed too often. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The problem with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
ME: OMG I have to tell you thisstory about- *starts laughing**deep breath* Ok there was this- *starts laughing* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I Only Say The Truth! When I know it can't take me to jail or take ma life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My summer vacation consists of periodically noticing the exotic beach location I use as a desktop pattern. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Juno showed me that speaking in cute lingo can negate the horrifying chaos of an unwanted pregnancy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm in a serious relationship with my WiFi. You can say we have a good...connection! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Those funny memories that you randomly remember, and you can't stop smiling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People think taking advantage of someone is a funny thing to do these days. Well, it's not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Are we done with law school yet? Seriously, we've been sitting here for years. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
