Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 87

I didn't say I hate you, I just saidif you were on fire.. I might just roast marshmellows. Big difference.

— Anonymous

Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature

— Anonymous

If you think you're It riding ahead of the pack, look back to see if the pack's still there.

— Anonymous

Saying What but then 1 second later realizing what they said.

— Anonymous

When life hands you lemons YOU THROW THEM BACK INTO LIFE'S EYES

— Anonymous

That moment, when someone jokes about one of your insecurities & you have to pretend it doesn't bother you.

— Anonymous

Here's to Columbus getting as lost as every user of Apple Maps.

— Anonymous

Whenever I get sad I just imagine a T-Rex trying to put a hat on.

— Anonymous

If you never want to see a man again, say, I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have…

— Anonymous

Gal's top 10 lies 1. I luv u more than nothing 2. I am single 3. I hope u wont cheat on…

— Anonymous

How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small

— Anonymous

A true friend is somebody who you call at 3 a.m. and say "I'm in a prison in Mexico" and he replies…

— Anonymous

Dear Diet, Things just aren't going to work between us. It's not me, it's you. You're tasteless, boring and I cant stand…

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when you do something hilarious and your friends ask you to do it again and you can't because you…

— Anonymous

Height of Corporate Pressure: A COMPANY employee went to TOILET. As soon as he sat on the seat,On the front wall this…

— Anonymous

What's the difference between the IQ of a stupid guy and one of a mosquito? About 5 points. How do you even…

— Anonymous

Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

— Anonymous

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

— Anonymous

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

— Anonymous

I want to kill the sexiest person in the world, but suicide is a sin. :D

— Anonymous

In honor of Bastille Day, I promise not to mispronounce my many requests for a menage a trois.

— Anonymous

If you EVER need anyone to talkto, please message us. we're always willing to h

— Anonymous

If things expand when they heat up, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not fat; I'm just HOT!

— Anonymous

He's 20, and you're 14. That's not dating, that's babysitting.

— Anonymous

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

— Anonymous

What if there was a notification that said, your crush is viewing your profile now.

— Anonymous

So tell me, as an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

— Anonymous

It's comforting that even the Pope has an overwhelming urge to quit his job on Mondays.

— Anonymous

Just go as a whore for Halloween. You obviously have all the clothes for it.

— Anonymous

Dear Spongebob, it's been more than 10 years, you're not getting your license

— Anonymous

I hope being self-employed on Boss's Day doesn't make you feel even lonelier than usual.

— Anonymous

The difference between me and her is that I can make him smile with my pants on.

— Anonymous

Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.

— Anonymous

Mom, I have good news! 'You got a 100 in your math test?!' Mom, I said good news, not a miracle.

— Anonymous

There should be an 'I Don't Know' option on a test so I can be correct more frequently.

— Anonymous

When you're angry, your text speed increases by a ridiculous amount.

— Anonymous

I apologize beforehand if I offend you in any weight, shape, or form.

— Anonymous

You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing.

— Anonymous

If we had sex, I'd buy you a coffee the next morning if the line wasn't too long at Starbucks.

— Anonymous

If you think sex is a big pain in the ass, try different position.

— Anonymous