Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 27

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to…

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, The one person who in an argument, if you win -- you lose;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm happy I didn't belong to generation when people used gun powder to grow guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course;

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy.

— Nikhil Saluja

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Every year, I start to realize how stupid I was the year before.

— Nikhil Saluja

PRAISE, Something which, if directed to your wife, will lighten your marriage -- even if it frightens her at first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

Using Viagra to masturbate is a hardest time in every man's life...

— Nikhil Saluja

Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy

— Nikhil Saluja

On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women.

— Nikhil Saluja

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

— Nikhil Saluja

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja