I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
As the auto mechanic said to the Scoutmaster whose car horn was broken, Beep repaired. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, The alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the Hell Happened to your bra and panties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instagram: Because even ugly & fat girls wanna feel like models sometimes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
She wanted to sign up as an organ donor, but all she had was a guitar. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A detective on the drug detail developed seizures. He is a narcoleptic. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I followed you back after 15 minutes of following me, I was just pretending to be busy & I failed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
