Facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 8

I thought I loved her, but she had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

How we all always forget that there are more people helping the victims than those people creating the victims.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was…

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes your knight in Shining armor is just an idiot in tin foil.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you separate the whites and the colored clothes during laundry, you're a racist.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate knowing that I care more about other people than other people will ever care about me

— Nikhil Saluja

Even if women came with Terms & Conditions, you still wouldnt read them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion.

— Nikhil Saluja

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch.

— Nikhil Saluja

What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal newspapers.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding…

— Nikhil Saluja

Hitman: The one who kills people for money. Hitwoman: The one who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works.

— Nikhil Saluja

My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times.

— Nikhil Saluja