I'm pretty sure my grandmom watches over me whenever I masturbate. The sound of that walker is so unbearable. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The best thing that can happen to a couple married for fifty years or more is that they both grow nearsighted together. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That sad moment when you dip your Oreo into the milk for too long and it breaks off. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're ever feeling down, just remember that I'll always be there to feel you up. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Experience is the key to not making same mistakes again, whatever mistakes you've made is part of building you to understand life… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It seems like only people doing REALLY well in life post those Facebook status updates where every third letter is randomly capitalized. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The ones that learn by reading…… The few who learn by observation….. The rest of them have to pee on the electric… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house & everyone in it, & I learned we… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
