“I was afraid they kept the hogs in a pen out behind the hospital. I've been prepared for surgery and the doctor says to an orderly, 'Leon, go out to the hog pen and get me a valve.” — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
“Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care? — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No,… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
