I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
A religion that costs nothing is worth nothing. A cheap Christianity, without a cross, will prove in the end a useless Christianity,… — J. C. Ryle Copy Share Image
I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue.… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity. — Bruce Lee Copy Share Image
You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I'm telling you, I will bark… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When Coleridge tried to define beauty, he returned always to one deep thought; beauty, he said, is unity in variety! Science is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, "Congratulations, it's a girl," I think… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You cannot receive what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have,… — Eckhart Tolle Copy Share Image
Just as there is no such thing as a collective or racial mind, so there is no such thing as a collective… — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my "fashionable" shirt, "fashionable" slacks, and a… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“Life is always uncertain. No one knows what's in there. But now my life is everywhere, I would just like to breathe… — Happy Positivity Blankly Ahead Copy Share Image
Healing opportunities can be disguised as people who really piss you off. Pay attention because they could be your greatest teachers. — Gabrielle Bernstein Copy Share Image
If you think down, you will go down. If you think up, you will go up. You’ll always travel in the direction… — T. D. Jakes Copy Share Image
Maybe you're right, people do not understand you! Do not blame them, are used to catch you around the ears clean up… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You can get over a broken past if you decide to believe that there's nothing in your past that can keep you… — Joyce Meyer Copy Share Image
The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Beautiful leaving , is to leave without harming, beautiful pardoning is to pardon without rebuking, and beautiful patience is tobe patient without complaining.. — Ritu Copy Share Image
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It's simple,… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Giving up the illusion that you can predict the future is a very liberating moment. All you can do is give yourself… — John Browne, Baron Browne of Madingley Copy Share Image
Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
When you have a problem, if you tell the truth, the problem becomes part of your past. If you lie, it becomes… — Rick Pitino Copy Share Image
Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
You know what ? Certain people think they will feel good if certain things happen The trick is : you have to… — Richard Bandler Copy Share Image
I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way,… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
If our expectations, if our fondest prayers and dreams, are not realized then we should all bear in mind that the greatest… — Nelson Mandela Copy Share Image
Netflix did it right and focused on all the things that have replaced the dumb, raw numbers of the Nielsen world -… — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
The two great words of antiquity are behold and beware. Behold the possibilities and beware the temptations. — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
