Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend? — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
“Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman… — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do. — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
Hurricane Katrina has been particularly hard on President Bush, who was forced to end his vacation two days early. He was supposed to be… — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the… — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
I don't want to ruin it for you, but at the end, Voldemort kills Harry with a fairly vivious atomic wedgie. — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember… — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else. — Jimmy Kimmel Copy Share Image
