I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists? — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians? — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
