“Happy birthday to me,' I sang into the mirror as I cleaned my teeth. 'Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear loser... who's old, has wrinkle in her forehead and will never get laid ever, ever again unless she starts… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“I have no idea why this is. I’m sure somebody with a beard and too much time on their hands would say it has… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“No relationship is ever perfect, but when you truly love each other ... it doesn't have to be.” — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“The second she touched it, the blue screen of death appeared, along with that dissonant gank noise Windows makes when it decides the stress… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“By the time I feel tired enough to go up to bed, I could easily have told you how long you need to cook… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“You might discuss important philosophical topics, such as the nature of existence- or what a bunch of lying toe rags politicians are.” — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“The festivities have a fancy dress theme... inevitable. Here's what i consider to be an undisputed fact: nobody actually likes going to fancy dress… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“All the good things I have done to this point, I owe to you. All the bad things, I owe to the consumption of… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“Aaaaarrrgghhh! I have become everything i despise. Some people say love is like a drug and i'm beginning to believe them. It's a powerful… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“I'm standing on a gigantic book, floating in space...I will never need to take drugs in my entire life!” — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“I was consumed by some kind of unholy, indignant rage that propelled me through the confrontation to its successful conclusion - and out the… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“I truly believe that if you can laugh at past mistakes or current difficulties, it can make the shadows they cast in your life… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
“Target is a paradox of a high street store. It sells everything at dirt-cheap prices, yet you always manage to spend far too much… — Nick Spalding Copy Share Image
