“Never believe what they say; they always lie. I have a saying: Whatever they say, do the opposite, and you’ll never go wrong.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
Who in their right mind counts the tiles on the floor when they go visiting a neighbor? — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
Every time there was an unspoken promise that this would be the last time, but it would only be the last time until the… — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“the landing the old man started to murmur, “Cold, cold water,” but neither one of us took much notice. “You know I nearly got… — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“I don’t believe it! You’re still interested in the girl, despite the fact that she might be some kind of alien. Does this sickness… — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“I have never been reduced to begging somebody to leave me alone, but in your case I’ll make an exception.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“...It’s pretty simple, really: having fun can only led to having more fun-- it cannot led to injury, pain, or dismemberment.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“I’ve always found wildlife very calming-- except when animals are eating each other, of course.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
You know, my main goal in life is trying not to end up in a straightjacket. — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
“We’re here to take over the world-- that’s why we’re starting here in Hamilton, Indiana-- the nerve center of the entire planet.” — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
Librarians are notorious snitches—don’t let anybody convince you otherwise. — Tom Upton Copy Share Image
