Screw the Jones, Keeping up with the Kardashians will send…

“I called dibs on Penelope when we were nine, and I made sure every boy our age knew it too.”

— Sarah A. Bailey

“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and…

— Ryan Lilly

“Is there any difference between a happy and a lucky man? A happy is someone who finds an oasis with drinking water in a…

— Eraldo Banovac

“In spite of being complicated people choose superstitions over common sense.”

— Amit Kalantri

What makes the rich cry, must've killed the poor…

— Jezreel Scott

“I know you can do this. You’re the person who revolutionized garbage collection at Westview, remember?”

— Rachel Lynn Solomon

“Mew - mew. Mew.” I jump back from her finger swipes. “I am fluent in pussy, but I have no idea what this fucking…

— Pella Grace

“Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three…and so on. Nesta”

— Cathy Hopkins

The awkward moment when you predict the end of the world and nothing happens :P

— Anonymous

People should be glad I don't always post my thoughts on their status'.

— Anonymous

“Food for thought: Every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. It may save your life…

— Oliver Markus Malloy

That awkward moment when you pretend to die in front your siblings and they beat the shit out of you to prove you're alive.

— Alisa Gattus

I wonder if I had a Twifey and we fuck..I wonder if that would be call Twsex.. :/

— Brandon Samuel

I look at people sometimes and think ¦.. Really? Thats the sperm that won!

— Deep Patel

I didn't fall, I was just attacking the floor.

— Anonymous