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But my child is strong-willed,” many parents insist. “When…

“But my child is strong-willed,” many parents insist. “When he decides that he wants something he just keeps at it until I cannot say no, or until I get very angry.” What is really being described here is not will but a rigid, obsessive clinging to this or that desire. An obsession may resemble…” quote by Gordon Neufeld
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““But my child is strong-willed,” many parents insist. “When he decides that he wants something he just keeps at it until I cannot say no, or until I get very angry.” What is really being described here is not will but a rigid, obsessive clinging to this or that desire. An obsession may resemble will in its persistence but has nothing in common with it. Its power comes from the unconscious and it rules the individual, whereas a person with true will is in command of his intentions. The child’s oppositionality is not an expression of will. What it denotes is the absence of will, which allows a person only to react, but not to act from a free and conscious process of choosing.””

Gordon Neufeld

About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

True will is conscious choice, while obsessive desire is unconscious compulsion.

In simple terms: Will = conscious choice; obsession = unconscious drive.

Key Takeaway

Cultivate conscious intention.

Themes

will choice obsession psychology

Mood

thoughtful analytical

Type

psychological advice

When to use this quote

  • parenting
  • personal growth
  • decision making

Key Concepts

Self-determination unconscious motivation

Questions to Reflect On

  • What desires are truly yours?
  • How can you differentiate will from compulsion?
A Different Perspective

Obsessions can masquerade as will, confusing self‑awareness.

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