Humor is falling downstairs if you do it in the act of…

“A lot of people came up to me that night and asked, ‘How come you and Sharon have stayed together all this time?’ My…

— Ozzy Osbourne

My cock got caught in my zipper today…at least that's what I'm telling my wife when she sees the teeth marks on it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

— Chelsea Handler

I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.

— Dick Gregory

I come from a very working-class background, so my family would have been downstairs in the past, as opposed to upstairs. People are often…

— Michelle Dockery

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time

— Mark Twain

My first memory in the world is my gym teacher ripping my mother's necklace off her neck and throwing it out the window and…

— Mike Nichols

“I’m sorry,” he said in a soft voice while leaning closer to her, “for taking liberties earlier. I hope I didn’t offend you.” “You…

— Sherri Browning

“the smell of her grandfather’s fifty years of National Geographic, shelved in the hall. Downstairs,”

— William Gibson

When I was 15, I came downstairs one morning, picked up mother's newspaper and, oh, what a shock! The Titanic had gone. The 'unsinkable'…

— Henry Allingham

Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as…

— Anonymous

I don't have any weird night rituals. I definitely am a ritualistic person... I like to go downstairs and remind my roommate-drummer not to…

— Charlie Worsham

“When she got downstairs, the whole family was in the kitchen, including Lucas. His face lit up like Vegas when he saw her. She…

— Josephine Angelini

I buy 1920s iridescent Scottish glass. I love the way the sun hits it every morning. You touch something and you know. To me,…

— Judith Miller

'Downton Abbey' is my worst nightmare. I just hate that whole 'Upstairs Downstairs' thing, I think it's really lazy and it doesn't represent England,…

— Tom Payne