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An employee wanders into work late, something you’ve been…

“An employee wanders into work late, something you’ve been meaning to talk to them about, so you say, “Late again, eh?” and leave it at that. Or you visit your son for the weekend, notice the empty beer bottles in the garbage, and say, “I see you’re still drinking up a storm.” These comments are…” quote by Douglas Stone
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““An employee wanders into work late, something you’ve been meaning to talk to them about, so you say, “Late again, eh?” and leave it at that. Or you visit your son for the weekend, notice the empty beer bottles in the garbage, and say, “I see you’re still drinking up a storm.” These comments are intended to help. You hope your employee or your son will take the message to heart. But while your comments may help you feel a bit better (“At least I’ve said something”), they make the other person defensive and frustrated, which is unlikely to produce the kind of change you had in mind. A good rule to follow is: If you’re going to talk, talk. Really talk.””

Douglas Stone

About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Brief remarks often trigger defensiveness, preventing genuine dialogue and lasting change.

In simple terms: Short comments can make people defensive.

Key Takeaway

Engage in full, honest conversation.

Themes

communication feedback relationships

Mood

reflective concerned

Type

advice psychological

When to use this quote

  • workplace performance reviews
  • family discussions
  • conflict resolution
  • coaching sessions

Key Concepts

psychology defensiveness dialogue

Questions to Reflect On

  • How can you invite openness without sounding accusatory?
  • What deeper concerns might the other person have?
A Different Perspective

If you only give a hint, the other person may not grasp the full issue.

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