I hardly loathe myself. Have you seen my ass? --Charlotte…

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

— Darynda Jones

I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding…

— Darynda Jones

See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!

— Darynda Jones

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

— Darynda Jones

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

— Darynda Jones

“Oh, my god, I don't know. What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and…

— Darynda Jones

“Las mujeres que se portan bien no suelen hacer historia.”

— Darynda Jones

“If ever there was a time to carry a flashlight, it would definitely be at night.”

— Darynda Jones

In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him…

— Darynda Jones

“The asshole slipped Peggy a five-spot to bring him his burger first. Never trust a man with a penis.”

— Darynda Jones

“I reported to work the next morning looking like something the cat dragged in, half eaten yet somehow still alive.”

— Darynda Jones

It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.

— Darynda Jones

“One day, I’m going to get to the bottom of you, Charley Davidson.” I had no idea she was into anal.”

— Darynda Jones

“We should date." I laughed, curled him into my arms, and kissed the soft spot underneath his earlobe. "You're going to have to go…

— Darynda Jones

“A girl, a mocha latte, and a naked dead man walk into a bar,”

— Darynda Jones