To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master. — Mark Twain Atheism Copy Share Image
The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs. — Mark Twain Aversion Copy Share Image
Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value. — Mark Twain Better day Copy Share Image
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person. — Mark Twain Advice Copy Share Image
At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. — Mark Twain Giving Copy Share Image
The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy. — Mark Twain Community Copy Share Image
I would not rob you of your food or your clothes or your umbrella, but if I caught your German out I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Each season brings a world of enjoyment and interest in the watching of its unfolding, its gradual harmonious development, its culminating graces-and… — Mark Twain Change Copy Share Image
There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose; sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous,… — Mark Twain Accidents Copy Share Image
“Now, we'll start this band of robbers and call it Tom Sawyer's Gang. Everybody that wants to join has got to take… — Mark Twain Robbers Copy Share Image
Part of my plan has been to try to pleasantly remind adults of what they once were themselves, and of how they… — Mark Twain Adulthood Copy Share Image
“Mark Twain describes how his friend Ralph Keeler introduced him at the start of a lecture: " 'I don't know anything about… — Mark Twain Friendship Copy Share Image
“Ah, heavens and earth, friend, if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have… — Mark Twain Education Copy Share Image
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar… — Mark Twain Bears Copy Share Image
A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but… — Mark Twain Cat Copy Share Image
A man's first duty is to his own conscience and honor; the party and country come second to that, and never first. — Mark Twain Conscience Copy Share Image
“Yes, I am of old family, and not illiterate. I am a fossil." "A which?" "Fossil. The first horses were… — Mark Twain Family Copy Share Image
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice,… — Mark Twain Argument Copy Share Image
There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of… — Mark Twain Brain Copy Share Image
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. — Mark Twain Child Copy Share Image
The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
And I urge upon you this - which I think is wisdom - if you find you can't make seventy by any… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt. — Mark Twain Absence Copy Share Image
All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse. — Mark Twain Care Copy Share Image
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah… — Mark Twain Age Copy Share Image
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Why will people be so stupid as to suppose themselves the only foreigners among a crowd of ten thousand persons?” — Mark Twain Foreigners Copy Share Image
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. — Mark Twain Animal Copy Share Image
“There are more chickens than a man can know in this world, but an unprovoked kindness is the rarest of birds.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To my mind that literature is best and most enduring which is characterized by a noble simplicity. — Mark Twain Books Copy Share Image
I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more,… — Mark Twain Drinking Copy Share Image
Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The old saw says, 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Right. Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get… — Mark Twain Animal Copy Share Image
