When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself. — Mark Twain Books Copy Share Image
If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves. — Mark Twain Change Copy Share Image
Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read. — Mark Twain Advantage Copy Share Image
“Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was the proudest… — Mark Twain Life Copy Share Image
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. — Mark Twain Christian Copy Share Image
The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey! — Mark Twain Civilization Copy Share Image
I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise that I didn't repent of within twenty-four hours. — Mark Twain Deeds Copy Share Image
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out… — Mark Twain Age Copy Share Image
“This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.” — Mark Twain German Copy Share Image
“that dismal prison house within whose dungeons so many young faces put on the wrinkles of age,” — Mark Twain Prison Copy Share Image
Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by,… — Mark Twain Artist Copy Share Image
Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me? Not at all. It was merely that I was not beautifully conspicuous but uglily conspicuous… — Mark Twain Beauty Copy Share Image
Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the… — Mark Twain Authorship Copy Share Image
“It know we have a fashion of saying "such and such an event was the turning-point in my life," but we shouldn't… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
By "trampling upon the helpless abroad" with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, "by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like… — Mark Twain America Copy Share Image
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Family Copy Share Image
English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Well, mamma, the Indians believed they knew, but now we know they were wrong. By and by it can turn out that… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars - all over Europe, all over the world. "Sometimes in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time,… — Mark Twain Facts Copy Share Image
Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large defect in your race - the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I told that girl, in the kindest, gentlest way, that I could not consent to deliver judgment upon any one's manuscript, because… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“We had a little slave boy whom we had hired from some one, there in Hannibal. He was from the Eastern Shore… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides,… — Mark Twain Allegiance Copy Share Image
“You cannot surprise an individual more than twice with the same marvel” — Mark Twain Human nature Copy Share Image
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. — Mark Twain Civilization Copy Share Image
