Denis Leary

I actually like talking.

— Denis Leary

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

— Denis Leary

I don't believe in the power of words.

— Denis Leary

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

— Denis Leary

I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.

— Denis Leary

There's no male Oprah.

— Denis Leary

Hockey's my favorite sport.

— Denis Leary

Firefighters don't go on strike.

— Denis Leary

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

— Denis Leary

I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy.

— Denis Leary

I eat meat because meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty dam good!

— Denis Leary

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

— Denis Leary

Sometimes I park in handicap spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces.

— Denis Leary

Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.

— Denis Leary

I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things.

— Denis Leary

Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.

— Denis Leary

Everything you look at now, the scripts that come in that you look at, the television scripts are way better than the…

— Denis Leary

Rosemary Rodriguez directed on Rescue Me for us, and I love her. She's fantastic with actresses and she's got a great sense…

— Denis Leary

People are disappointed that you aren't exactly who they thought you were, as opposed to somebody who's just walking around trying to…

— Denis Leary

Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you…

— Denis Leary

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do.

— Denis Leary

If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while.

— Denis Leary

If the world somehow actually ends tomorrow, let all forget about the Mayans and just agree it's the NHL's fault

— Denis Leary

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off…

— Denis Leary

Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it.…

— Denis Leary

I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get…

— Denis Leary

Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and…

— Denis Leary

Technology is changing, so the viewership is getting broken up. My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers…

— Denis Leary

There's a method aspect to Campbell Scott character and he really wants to get into his character and he wants to cast…

— Denis Leary

I'm not saying being a comedian is brain surgery, but it is definitely - it's like being a carpenter. You learn how…

— Denis Leary

I'm in my truck talking to Jesus. And you can see a World Series ring on my right pinkie finger. But when…

— Denis Leary

Liz [Gillies] doesn't really listen to anything new, besides Adele, Ariana Grande, and stuff like that. She loves '70s music and old…

— Denis Leary

I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.

— Denis Leary

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.

— Denis Leary

Everybody's vying for people's attention in terms of eyeballs, earholes, and dollars.

— Denis Leary

I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me!

— Denis Leary

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better.

— Denis Leary

I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word.

— Denis Leary

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

— Denis Leary

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

— Denis Leary