We start off in childhood believing parents might have…
““We start off in childhood believing parents might have access to a superior kind of knowledge and experience. They look, for a while, astonishingly competent. Our exaggerated esteem is touching, but also intensely problematic, for it sets them up as the ultimate objects of blame when we gradually discover that they are flawed, sometimes unkind, in areas ignorant and utterly unable to save us from certain troubles. It can take a while, until the fourth decade or the final hospital scenes, for a more forgiving stance to emerge. Their new condition, frail and frightened, reveals in a compellingly physical way something which has always been true psychologically: that they are uncertain vulnerable creatures motivated more by anxiety, fear, a clumsy love and unconscious compulsions than by godlike wisdom and moral clarity -- and cannot, therefore, forever be held responsible for either their own shortcomings or our many disappointments.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
We idealize parents as all‑knowing, then later realize they are fallible and vulnerable, which can shift our blame onto them.
In simple terms: Parents are seen as perfect, then recognized as flawed.
Key Takeaway
Accept parents’ humanity and adjust expectations.
Themes
family
psychology
expectations
responsibility
Mood
reflective
empathetic
Type
philosophical
psychological
When to use this quote
- counseling sessions
- family gatherings
- caregiver support groups
- personal reflection
Key Concepts
attachment theory
human vulnerability
parental idealization
Questions to Reflect On
- How does recognizing parental flaws change your own behavior?
- What expectations do you still hold about caregivers?
A Different Perspective
Idealization can cause lasting resentment if not re‑examined.