They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Petulance is not wit, although a few grains of wit may be found in petulance; quartz is not gold, although a few… — Walter Savage Landor Copy Share Image
In time you'll look back and realize some relationships weren't meant to be. Once you accept your new life, and freedom things… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The best thing that can happen to a couple married for fifty years or more is that they both grow nearsighted together. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I asked a lady on the street for directions. I know women have no sense of direction, I just wanted to look… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit implies hatred or contempt of folly and crime, produces its effects by brisk shocks of surprise, uses the whip of scorpions… — Edwin Percy Whipple Copy Share Image
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit is as infinite as love, and a deal more lasting in its qualities. — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In major studio scripts, the girls are very similar. They're all witty and hot. I'm more of an oddball. — Riley Keough Copy Share Image
If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You! — Michael R. Burch Copy Share Image
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wouldn't even dare read the Torah, let alone attempt a witty observation on the Torah. — Charles Grodin Copy Share Image
A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“In his experience, ‘trust me’ was just a polite way of saying ‘brace yourself.” — Janus Lucky Copy Share Image
Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. — Voltaire Copy Share Image
One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
