Witty facebook status Quotes · Page 4

I would rather be someone's shot of whiskey than being everyone's cup of tea..!

— Simi Ngr

Ladies, stop stressing out about your figures. Men love meat, Dogs love bones~

— DeAngelo Stokes

I like most people as long as they're not behind a steering wheel or a keyboard.

— Anonymous

To Friend Me or To Unfriend Me... I Am Still A Friend.

— Cv Pillay

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard

— Ritu Ghatourey

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

— Anonymous

Not enough time in this World to worry Bout those WHO dislike you.

— Anonymous

I woke at wrong side of facebook, today is going to be such a drag

— Hussein Nishah

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY…

— Anonymous

Welcome to Facebook. The Weather today: An 80% chance of game requests, a 10% chance of pokes, and a 100% certainty of drama

— Anonymous

Fellas, there is nothing more beautiful than the look of total satisfaction on a womans' face! It'sNotAllAboutU~

— DeAngelo Stokes

The first testicular gaurd, the *Cup*, was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means…

— Harriet Morgan

I can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook...

— Anonymous

Shout out to the dudes trying get laid via Facebook picture comments, you keep working on that grind, your time will come...

— Anonymous

Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...

— Anonymous

There r many things in life tht will catch your eye, but nly a few things that will catch your heart...!!! :)

— Anonymous

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

— Anonymous

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

— Anonymous

OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

— Anonymous

There's always that one kid in PE class who thinks it's the fucking Olympics. Calm. The. Fuck. Down.

— Anonymous

Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone. It's an iPhone.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Wow, that is a nice lookin pair of Crocs. Said no one ever

— Becca

Dear google, can u just let me write my sentence before u start guessing...

— Anonymous

Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status.

— Anonymous

Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.

— Anonymous

My excuse for being lazy: I'm not the real slim shady, so why would I stand up?

— Anonymous

2 Wrongs don't make it Right but 3 Rights makes a Left~

— DeAngelo Stokes

Person (angered): Hey, get that thing out of my face! You (calmly): Its not in your face, its in my hand.

— Anonymous

Don't let your food get cold worrying about what's on my plate :-P~

— DeAngelo Stokes

Hey people, it's pronounced BOTH, not BOFF. That will be all...

— Anonymous

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

— Green Monk

You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than your Facebook status.

— Anonymous

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

— Becca

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ill change my second name to Boss, then ill call my son Lyka, so his full name will be Lyka Boss.

— Simon Quperlier

All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.

— Anonymous

Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed.

— Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads!

— Anonymous

Liking your own status, is like high-fiving yourself in public...

— Anonymous

Just because there's plenty of fish in the sea doesn't mean u have the proper equipment 2 catch a keeper~

— DeAngelo Stokes