We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity -… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?' 'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up -… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I just knew it was time to leave that thing where it was. Even though I still occasionally think about it, I… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
