People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus,… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
