That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People always are encouraging about a terrible loss, so that sometimes the loser would like to strangle them. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I feel it's so hard for young actors; It's a different world that they're coming up in; there's so much money to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I think that if writers are tempted to do other things, they ought to go do other things. They should not write… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It was a pleasure to have somebody else be the boss. It wouldn't have been nearly as much fun any other way.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Have interesting failures… If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
... and people are to march around the church to commemorate the event, Palm Sunday, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and was… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Forget what you learned about poetry in school. (That it's complex, opaque, a problem to be solved in 1500 words by tomorrow.)… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
What keeps faith cheerful is the extreme persistence of gentleness and humor. Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share
