To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I know that all over America there's probably politicians sending out pictures of themselves signing that mandatory helmet bill, but it's bullshit.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although a science fair can seem like a big "pain" it can help you understand important scientific principles, such as Newton's First… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But from the perspective of the aging parent, there is no major difference between four and fifteen, except that when your child… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Kids have *_____ never* taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
