Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfect man. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being can be afflicted with. It is mostly confined… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious - unless he purposely shut… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Whenever he was out of luck and a little down-hearted, he would fall to mourning over the loss of a wonderful cat… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Every man is wholly honest to himself and to God, but not to any one else. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I thoroughly believe that any man who's got anything worthwhile to say will be heard if he only says it often enough. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
...mastery of the art and spirit of the Germanic language enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare? — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is wrong. There is no other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The worst thing you can do to a man is to tell him he can have what he wants. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
