Losing builds character. So, if you're the loser in your family, don't worry. 'Cos twenty years form now, that perfect can do… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Losing builds character. You know who said that? A loser! Guy who got his ass stomped every day, basketball, football, baseball, lose,… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
This country you're sitting in right now was not built on love, hugs, time-outs and trophies you didn't earn. This country was… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My mom had this inate ability. Whatever town my mother moved to, the second she walked into town, she would instantly attract… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that! — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
