You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Why don't you climb down off the cross, take the wood to build a bridge, and get over it! — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. Peer pressure, acne, final exams, seven little tiny hairs on your… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Get off your ass and do something. All you need is the right inspiration. Anger has fueled me my entire life. It… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Normal people terrify me, because they haven't had enough problems in their life to know how to handle problems when they come… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. But it all changes after that. You get a great car,… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Being a parent is a life sentence. You see, that's why normal people should not have children because if you raise a… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that! — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could… — Christopher Titus Copy Share
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies. — Christopher Titus Copy Share
