As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Editorials are written by people who have agreed to have several strong opinions a day and to write them down, provided they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I can't recall a story that played out exactly as I'd expected it to. That's one of the thrills of journalism -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Reporters aren't stupid. We were standing around talking about which of the 900 health-care proposals that nobody's going to accept is that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But my point is that competitive eating is a real sport, and I considered taking it up. But when I thought about… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The more boring a newspaper is, the more it is respected. The most respected newspaper in the United States is The New… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The newspaper industry when I came along in the mid-70s was rich and powerful and growing and hungry for material and open… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I do not mean to be the slightest bit critical of TV newspeople, who do a superb job, considering that they operate… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At certain times each year, we journalists do almost nothing except apply for the Pulitzers and several dozen other major prizes. During… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
On behalf of the newspaper industry I wish to announce some changes we're making to serve you better. When I say 'serve… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
![“The more boring a newspaper is, the more it is respected. The most respected newspaper in the United States is The New York Times, which has thousands of reporters constantly producing enormous front-page stories about bauxite...The [New York] Post would write about bauxite only if famous…” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/275/dave-barry-222_arrested_the-more-boring-a-newspaper-is-the-more_2143291.png)
![“Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/1b1/dave-barry-222_accounts_note-that-both-of-these-papers-the-new-y_1034535.png)
