Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through… — Henry Ward Beecher Copy Share Image
Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm really sick of people treating me like I am a joke, next time someone play's games they're gonna get chocked. — Amanda Copy Share Image
A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I like that we don't have to come out the first 10 minutes and score, you know, with joke, joke, joke. We… — Bruce Vilanch Copy Share Image
The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps… — Shane Black Copy Share Image
Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and… — Matt LeBlanc Copy Share Image
[ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It's just that I'm a dreamer, but I'm following… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
Percy, meet Gladiola. Gladiola, Percy." I stared at Annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me,… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it's easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the… — Kyle Kinane Copy Share Image
I was in California the first time I heard Michael Jackson wanted to record with me. I was, like, 'Nah, no way,… — Heavy D Copy Share Image
The essence of all jokes, of all comedy, seems to be an honest or well intended halfness; a non performance of that… — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
The greatest part of each day, each year, each lifetime is made up of small, seemingly insignificant moments. Those moments may becooking… — Barbara Coloroso Copy Share Image
A man was having an argument with his wife. In the heat of the argument, the wife called him a fool. The… — Horla Copy Share Image
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“[ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It's just that I'm a dreamer, but I'm following through with it. I believe anyone can do it as long as they focus and have a game plan.” quote by Gabriel Iglesias](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/866/gabriel-iglesias-1974_aim_the-aim-to-be-big-is-not-a-joke-about-my_1666524.jpg)
