“what came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.” — Teresa Mummert Copy Share Image
“Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Mostly all famous inventions start off as an accidents. For instance, my invention of running over cats. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV. — MyAnna Buring Copy Share Image
There's usually nothing in a guy's joke in which we have to understand what's going on in someone else's mind. — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Instead of being a well-known painter, I became everybody's favorite dirty joke. Come to think of it, teaching masturbation skills is pretty… — Betty Dodson Copy Share Image
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all… — Steven Wilson Copy Share Image
Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but… — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
I think most of the actors that I know that I think are good are kind of funny people. There's just something… — Clark Gregg Copy Share Image
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a comedic actor - that's what I wanted from the job - to do comedy and to… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
The secret of understanding poetry is to hear poetry's words as what they are: the full self's most intimate speech, half waking,… — Jane Hirshfield Copy Share Image
My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota… — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
Now, as Mandelbrot points out, ... Nature has played a joke on the mathematicians. The 19th-century mathematicians may not have been lacking… — Freeman Dyson Copy Share Image
Kindergarten teacher trying to explain the definition of the word definitely. To make sure, she asks the students to use the word… — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I don't like any one race or look or type of guy. My tastes as far as looks go are very diverse.… — Sasha Grey Copy Share Image
What is the universe? Is it a great 3D movie in which we are the unwilling actors? Is it a cosmic joke,… — Heinz Pagels Copy Share Image
![“My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota of shock and consternation for some interval." I stared at him. "You made a *joke*." "I have heard this kind of thing may happen...” quote by Robin McKinley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37c/robin-mckinley-1591_consternation_my-kind-vampires-does-not-surprise-easil_1654431.png)
