Funny inspirational Quotes · Page 3

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

— Will Rogers

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

— Woody Allen

Given a choice of weapons with you sir, I should choose grammar.

— Halliwell Hobbes

My one goal when I started was not to actually vomit on TV or run away.

— Kate McKinnon

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.

— Isaac Asimov

Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost.

— Ellen DeGeneres

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

— Phyllis Diller

To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.

— Hippocrates

There is no magic to achievement. It's really about hard work, choices, and persistence.

— Michelle Obama

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

— Woody Allen

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four..

— Mark Twain

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.

— Jeph Jacques

Life is like the stock market. Some days you're up. Some days you're down. And some days you feel like something the…

— Paula Wall

The great thing about taking big chances when you're younger is you have less to lose, and you don't know as much.…

— Amy Poehler

The full area of ignorance is not mapped. We are at present only exploring the fringes.

— John Desmond Bernal

Nobody's a natural. You work hard to get good and then work to get better. It's hard to stay on top.

— Paul Coffey

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then,…

— Randy Glasbergen

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter…

— Ricky Gervais

There are so many distractions you can face as a woman, either with relationships or worrying about, Should I go to this…

— Mindy Kaling

Everyone has a doctor in him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within…

— Hippocrates

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as…

— Brian Kernighan

I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then…

— Dr. Seuss

While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It…

— Jim Beaver

Among the most striking things that I have learned is how much we have in common. I've sat down with people everywhere,…

— Hillary Clinton

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

— Yogi Berra

When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.

— Henri Matisse

Truth is what stands the test of experience.

— Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

— Albert Einstein

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

— Mark Twain

There's a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.

— Leonard Barnes

I'm stopped. I'll never eat another burger.

— Oprah Winfrey

The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live.

— Socrates

Make [food] simple and let things taste of what they are.

— Curnonsky

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.

— Hippocrates

Excessive animal protein is at the core of many chronic diseases.

— T. Colin Campbell

I've always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler.

— Amy Poehler

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

— Erma Bombeck

Can we call a moratorium on the use of the term 'ladyparts'? Grazia!

— Lena Dunham

Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.

— Mindy Kaling

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.

— P. J. Plauger