Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 31

A good neighbor is someone who doesn't put a password on their wifi.

— Anonymous

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

— Anonymous

LOVE, What makes marriage possible -- habit makes it last;

— Nikhil Saluja

China is only winning the Olympics because they made all the equipment...

— Anonymous

You can sit next to me, if you wanna change the weather.

— Future

Woman say:COME HERE. Woman means:My puppy does this, too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.

— Anonymous

Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls.

— Nikhil Saluja

My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So now I have to sit down when I…

— Carlos De'shawn Banks

To all those i've hurt in the past I'd just like to say…ah well you probably deserved it

— Avi Chauhan

I'm gonna cross 3/4 of the street, then turn around and go back for no fucking reason. -Squirrels

— Anonymous

Today's forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day...

— Anonymous

Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of getting laid.

— Anonymous

Inside an EXAMINATION HALL I think myrself I am AN intelligent,but when result comes out MY intelligences are far apart.

— Subhananda

If you don't know, please ask. If you don't agree, Argue. If you don't like it, please say it. But dont sit…

— Tanya Bianco

It's so weird to think that before Twitter, all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you want a Romeo start acting like a Juliet.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, An emotion, even if un-returned, has its rainbow;

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Girls, when a boy pauses his video game to text you.. Marry him

— Becca

Why wear one chain? when you could use 2Chainz LOL

— Anonymous

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ooooh, They Just Called You Short..!!! Aw Hell Naw, Lift Me Up..!!!

— Toni Watson

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking

— Hussein Nishah

You know your addicted to facebook when you keep looking if anyone likes your status...

— Anonymous

Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yeah, my kid's a genius because he shits in a toilet.

— Nikhil Saluja

My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

— Aicel

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

Looking back on your old Facebook pictures and thinking What the f*ck.

— Anonymous

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just because the seasons are changing doesnt mean your bikini profile picture has to.

— Anonymous

I'm feeling a little off today... anyone wants to turn me on?..

— Anonymous

The Awkward Moment When Your Bro Does Tell A Cool Story.

— Tony Mayhew

Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?

— Anonymous

Don't ever forget the 'L' if you ever Google, 'Grandfather Clock.'

— Nishan Singh

Faithful is a F word to a hoe, but the FIRST word to a woman!

— Adar Burks

Please GOD if you cant make me slim, make my friends fat.

— Anonymous

The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.

— Nikhil Saluja

Im the person that the more you complain about me, the harder Ill try to annoy you

— Hussein Nishah