You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I'm always down to try a new burger, but Shake Shack is still my top. What makes them so special is for… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Myself, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner decided to start a Food Club where the three of us go to restaurants with a… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
“A few decades ago, if I wanted to research vanilla ice cream, what would I have even done? Cold-approach chubby guys and… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Zerts' are what I call desserts. 'Trée-trées' are entrées. I call sandwiches 'sammies,' 'sandoozles,' or 'Adam Sandlers.' Air conditioners are 'cool blasterz'… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I went to a place recently I think is one of the most f**ked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
I went to a place recently I think is one of the most fucked up places I've ever been to. I'm convinced… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't,… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Let's have a moment of silence for all the chubby Asian dudes that are getting 'Gangnam style!' yelled at them by bros around the… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
“Rather than compare actual jobs, with their various pros and cons, in their minds they wound up selecting the features of each particular job… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
“Yale sociologist John Ellsworth Jr. said after a study of marriage patterns in Simsbury, Connecticut (population 3,941): “People will go as far as they… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true. — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan."… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share
