Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor!… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Saint Christopher, who said, Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Orson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, Maybe we're white. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share
