Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing…

Donald Trump's own mother Mary escaped the bone-crushing poverty of Scotland's remote Outer Hebrides for the promise of New York in 1929.

— Peter Bergen

Like Barack Obama's father, Trump's mother was an immigrant. But Trump doesn't often bring up his Scottish ancestry on the campaign trail.

— Mary Pilon

Stu walked Bennie over to Chris in the chair and parted his hair to reveal some tan little creatures the size of poppy seeds…

— Jennifer Egan

Like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks.

— William Shakespeare

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a…

— Red Buttons

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

— Red Buttons

Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!

— Red Buttons

My real father died when I was two years old, so I never knew him. He was a barber in Chicago.

— Donald Johanson

That small word "Force," they make a barber's block, Ready to put on Meanings most strange and various, fit to shock Pupils of Newton……

— James Clerk Maxwell

No barber shaves so close but another finds worke.

— George Herbert

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you keep walking past the barbers, eventually you'll get a haircut.

— Paul Merson

A grave aspect to a grave character is of much more consequence than the world is generally aware of; a barber may make you…

— Henry Fielding

I go to the barbers every two weeks.

— Loris Karius

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her…

— Paul O'Grady