Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Gandhi, who went to Wendy's and asked, "Where's the belief?" Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, Is all that for me? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share
