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Desires Quote by Susie Orbach

“For a young woman today, developing femininity successfully requires meeting three basic demands. The first of these is that she must defer to others, the second that she must anticipate and meet the needs of others, and the third, that she must seek self-definition through connection with…” quote by Susie Orbach
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““For a young woman today, developing femininity successfully requires meeting three basic demands. The first of these is that she must defer to others, the second that she must anticipate and meet the needs of others, and the third, that she must seek self-definition through connection with another. The consequences of these requirements frequently mean that in denying themselves, women are unable to develop an authentic sense of their needs or a feeling of entitlement for their desires. Preoccupied with others' experience and unfamiliar with their own needs, women come to depend on the approval of those to whom they give. The imperative of affiliation, the culture demand that a woman must define herself through association with another, means that many aspects of self are under-developed, producing insecurity and a shaky sense of self. Under the competent carer who gives to the world lives a hungry, deprived and needy little girl who is unsure and ashamed of her desires and wants.””

Susie Orbach

About This Quote

Source Book: The Myth of Motherhood, Susie Orbach, 1995

Women are socially pressured to prioritize others, suppressing their own needs and leading to insecurity and lack of entitlement.

In simple terms: Women often neglect their own needs to please others, causing insecurity.

Key Takeaway

Recognize and honor your own desires.

Themes

gender roles identity self‑care social expectations

Mood

thoughtful empowering

Type

philosophical inspirational

When to use this quote

  • Therapy sessions
  • career planning
  • relationship counseling

Key Concepts

Feminist theory psychology of self dependency

Questions to Reflect On

  • What needs have you ignored for others?
  • How can you claim entitlement without guilt?
A Different Perspective

Balancing care for others with self‑assertion can be challenging.

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