Clients Quote by Roy Payne

I never claimed to be Jewish. I said I was 'Jew-ish.'

— George Santos

I have never seen either a drop of piety or a grain of truth or ingenuousness - nay, I have never found common sense…

— John Calvin

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.

— Andy Kindler

I've always felt robbed of something by people not knowing I was a Jew.

— Piper Laurie

Then, as if that's not enough, then they declare that my wife is Jewish or Serbian. Luckily for me, she never was either, although…

— Franjo Tudjman

I don't like to publicly acknowledge being a Jew.

— Jonathan Ames

A Jew is anyone who says he is.

— David Ben-Gurion

No Jew was ever fool enough to turn Christian unless he was a clever man.

— Israel Zangwill

I'm not really a Jew; just Jew-ish, not the whole hog.

— Jonathan Miller

Here lies a plain and simple Jew who wrote in plain and simple prose.

— Sholom Aleichem

I'm certainly not a practicing Jew. I would never claim, 'I'm Jewish.' That's not the first and foremost thing in my mind, as far…

— Scott Ian

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a…

— Kinky Friedman