Christmas Quote by RevWingman

I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.

— Anonymous

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

— Rodney Dangerfield

What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?

— Ian O'Doherty

Grandchildren now don't write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to…

— Anonymous

Dear Santa… you'se a bitch nigga... nonono... wait wait... Dear Santa... You'se a bitch ASS nigga...i heard the mall was hiring extra security to…

— Riley Freeman

Lets be naughty and save Santa the trip.

— Gary Allan

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.

— Gary Allan

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

— Phyllis Diller

“Well, well, well,” Santa said once the elf had retreated. “Come and sit on my lap, little boy.” This Santa’s beard was real, and…

— Rachel Cohn

I never saw a department store Santa as a kid. My mother was afraid to take me.

— Terry Zwigoff

I was one of the wildest Santa Clauses they ever had.

— Mr. T

Most of the holiday movies I enjoy, like 'It's a Wonderful Life,' don't really involve Santa.

— George Wendt