Apartment Quote by Mara Wilson

I was on the tube just before Christmas. and this girl turned round to me and said, 'Are you Kate Winslet?'. And I said,…

— Kate Winslet

“Her best friend and the best friend’s cousin also lived in our dorm. I went once to an ice cream shop with them and…

— Tijan

And when I smiled, 'Bing!' I almost blinded her. She said, 'Great Scot, are you a thief? Seems like you have a mouth full…

— Slick Rick

This wife you have, Bird said at last, deeply contemplative, did you pay a great deal for her? She cost me almost everything I…

— Diana Gabaldon

“This next part might cheer you up. So my mom told me she was gonna drive me to my appointment at the sperm bank,…

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of…

— Steven Wright

This morning my football coach was driving at fast speed to school with his motorcycle,then I asked him why were you speeding? He said,…

— Me

“it gets a little tiresome when you’re so high you go to the movies and look up at the marquee and think the starting…

— Tim Tharp

“I told her about my revenge on Topper the attempted rapist and the guy at the transient's hotel in Brooklyn, and, finally, I told her about stealing the money. "You did what?" She sat straight up in her chair, her eyes wide, her mouth open. "Shhh." Other diners were staring at us, frozen in silent tableau, some with forks or spoons halfway to mouth. Millie was blinking her eyes rapidly. Much quieter, she said, "You robbed a bank?" "Shhh." My ears were burning. "Don't make a scene." "Don't shush me! I didn't rob a bank." Fortunately she whispered it. The waiter walked up then and took our drink order. Millie ordered a vodka martini. I asked for a glass of white wine. I didn't know if it would help, but I figured it couldn't hurt. "A million dollars?" she said, after the waiter left. "Well, almost." "How much of it is left?" "Why?" She blushed. "Curiosity. I must look like a proper little gold digger." "About eight hundred thousand." "Dollars!" The man at the next table spilled his water. "Christ, Millie. You want me to leave you here? You're fifteen hundred miles away from home you know.”

— Steven Gould

One time, a girl dropped her phone in my pocket and I found it and was like, 'There you go.' And she said, 'If…

— Harry Styles

“Two beds down, a woman was with her husband who had just come out of surgery. All she talked about for half an hour…

— Hendrik Groen

“Once more I'm out, at one A.M., in some store trying to purchase bedding plants. The cashier woman says, "They're three for five dollars.…

— Mary Robison