Bad decisions Quote by Kaile Stewart

“They say you need to pray, if you want to go to heaven. But they dont tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.True strength is holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fall apart.The only thing worse then being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist.There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.She could shut out the whole world, including herself.Our scars have the power to remind us that the past is real.Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I want to kill myself. Sometimes I think I need some help. Sometimes I feel like Im alone. Sometimes Im in an empty zone. Sometimes I feel like Im not alive. Sometimes I wonder if Im deprived. Sometimes I think the world should end. Sometimes I think I have no friends. Sometimes I want to make them see that sometimes I wish I wasnt me¦Im so broken. not half full, not half empty, not ever cracked. Im just broken. I cant exist anymore. I can barely function. theres nothing left to me. and I dont care.Cutting is a stepping stone for me. All my life I have been put through so much emotional pain and ive let myself just sit and drown in it. I cant physically or emotionally do it anymore. So I cut. It temporarily takes my pain away until I am able to remove myself from all feeling. I am detached from everything right now¦ I am numb.Please dont blame yourself for any of the stupid shit that I choose to do. None of this is your fault. Im the one who makes these bad decisions so Im the one who pays the consequences.They didnt know that she was planning something. Most people thought she was perfectly fine. She was good at pretending¦but some people knew she wasnt okay but they didnt realize how bad it was. She would party every weekend. She was border line alcoholic rarely going 48 hours without being 100% sober. She tried finding comfort in anything even if that meant fucking some guy she just met one night while she had been drinking. Everyday was going by as a blur. They didnt know that she cried herself to sleep every night. They didnt know that she had practiced cutting herself so many times. They didnt know that she had written and rewritten letters to all the people she cared about most telling them she loved them and apologizing. She even wrote one to the person who was most important to her, who wouldnt understand what had happened because she was to young. She wanted her to know it wasnt her fault and she loved her dearly. They just didnt know. They found her surrounded¦ in her own blood. They finally knew¦ they finally realized that she really wasnt okay and the rumors, and the fake friends, and the guys who liked her for all the wrong reasons, and the family, and the lies, and the unperfect body that she saw that everyone else thought was close to perfect, had gotten to her. She finally had the courage to press down hard enough¦ and they finally knew that she planned this.Its not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor.Im not gonna give a fuck anymore¦ If you hurt me, Im gonna hurt you. Thats how its gonna be from now on¦How can you hide from what never goes away?One morning you wake up afraid to live.Theres a smile on my face but I dont know why its there¦ I put it on to satisfy all the people that dont even care.Im often silent when I am screaming inside.The deepest people are the ones whove been hurt the most.Someone once asked me, Why do you always insist on taking the hard road? I replied, Why do you assume I see two roads?Wear a mask that grins and lies, it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes. The debt we pay to human guile, with torn and broken hearts, we smile.Sometimes I feel like nobody has held me down and forced me to cry or made me hug them, or seen to the inside of me. I just say oh Im fine and walk away. Nobodys ever said to me no youre not.Do you ever get that feeling where you dont want to talk to anybody? You dont want to smile and you dont want to fake being happy. But at the same time you dont know exactly whats wrong either. There isnt a way to explain it to someone who doesnt already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when youre alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isnt anyone who wont take I dont know for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until the”

— Kaile Stewart