Toilet Paper Quotes

102 Toilet Paper quotes by 85 unique authors

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston
Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. — Shaquille O'Neal
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce… — P.J. O'Rourke
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth… — Joey Bishop
I've always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of… — Michel Gondry
The only thing I use the Rolling Stone for is toilet paper when I run out. — Neal Schon
I cut coupons, love specials and believe in buying toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk. It's just who I am. — Hilary Swank
I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me?… — Joan Rivers
Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean.… — Terrence Howard
When you consider all the writers who never even had a machine. Who would have given an eyeball for a good typewriter. Any typewriter. All… — Sam Shepard
I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want… — Sheryl Crow
I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. — Sheryl Crow
Time kept on and on like the cheapest toilet paper. — Porochista Khakpour
The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper. — Yasujiro Ozu
If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. — Al Yankovic
Before you rip off three feet of toilet paper, consider that each year 500,000 acres of virgin boreal forest in northern Alberta and Ontario are… — Alex Shoumatoff
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your… — Jerry Seinfeld
You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some… — Don Van Vliet
Leaders win through logistics. Vision, sure. Strategy, yes. But when you go to war, you need to have both toilet paper and bullets at the… — Tom Peters
How can you put out a meaningful drama when every fifteen minutes proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper? No dramatic art… — Rod Serling
Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much… — Alicia Silverstone
It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline. — George Lindsey
European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches. — Dave Barry
My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the pictures. — Dolly Parton
Stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper. — Jonas Eriksson

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