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- Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful. — Sandra Bullock
- And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every… — Octavia Butler
- You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. — George Carlin
- When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston
- Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten… — Erma Bombeck
- When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep.… — Louis C. K.
- Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the… — Alexander Ovechkin
- I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler. — David Feherty
- People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a… — Louis C. K.
- When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K.
- Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. — Shaquille O'Neal
- Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not… — P.J. O'Rourke