Best Masturbation Sayings

112 Masturbation quotes by 96 unique authors

We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people. The same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the… — Dan Savage
Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction... — Brad Pitt
Many male habitues of massage parlors, like Talese, did not like solitary masturbation; in the parlance of the younger generation, it was a "downer." And… — Gay Talese
Novels, except as aids to masturbation, play no part in contemporary life. — Gore Vidal
Maybe in the 90s or possibly in the next century people will look upon the 80s as the age of masturbation, when it was taken… — Bob Dylan
Admittedly, the masturbation story is just a "Hey, this is one of my best-of's, I'll throw it in the special." But the grandmother stuff, really,… — Jen Kirkman
Well, one thing you can say for masturbation... you certainly don't have to look your best. — Mart Crowley
Call you up in the middle of the night. It's awful hard trying to make love long distance, but I really need stimulation. — Billy Joel
Disco boy, no one understands, but thank the lord you still got hands. — Frank Zappa
I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself. — Toni Braxton
I even made love to myself once. Uhh, I wasn't suppose to tell you that. — Gary B.B. Coleman
I jerk off 'til I bust blood. — Camron
I read Dad's books like I did before, now things are crystal clear. Lock the door in the bathroom, now I just can't get caught… — Alice Cooper
I wanna go south and get some more. Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine, they say I better stop or I'll… — Cyndi Lauper
I'm jackin' off reading Playboy on a hot afternoon, I'm a three time loser. — Rod Stewart
I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump. — Al Yankovic
Sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of machines. — Frank Zappa
When I'm all alone and I'm by myself, little Peter keeps me company. — Red Peters
When they say take from my body, I think I'll take from mine instead. Getting off, getting off while they're all down stairs. — Tori Amos
When you turn out the light, I've got to hand it to me. Looks like it's you and me again tonight Rosie. — Jackson Browne
Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil, my brother like to masturbate with baby oil. — Adam Sandler
You just sit home and masturbate. The phone is going to ring soon, but you just can't wait. — Billy Joel
Our economic order is tightly woven around the exploitation of animals, and while it may seem easy to dismiss concern about animals as the soft-headed… — Bob Torres
Life is just masturbation in a sense, mentally. What people do is they just create a world out of their self-reflection. — Frederick Lenz
Abused as we abuse it at present, dramatic art is in no sense cathartic; it is merely a form of emotional masturbation... — Aldous Huxley

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96 authors contributed a total of 112 Masturbation Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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