Funny Work Quotes

38 quotes by 37 authors

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that… — Dave Barry
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. — Al Capp
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. — Woody Allen
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy. — Huey Long
No one's dream job involves a kiosk. — Damien Fahey
Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking… — Daniel Handler
You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor. — Craig Ferguson
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked. — Jay London
Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held. — Randy Glasbergen
There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week. — Jeff Daniels
A foolproof plan for not getting a job - show up for your interview wearing flip flops. — Alan Davies
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your… — Jerry Seinfeld
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. — Jerry Seinfeld
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying. — Rita Rudner
Most people like hard work, particularly when they're paying for it. — Elbert Hubbard
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a… — Dennis Miller
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. — Ogden Nash
Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day. — Ed Bernard
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. — Les Dawson
Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done. — Peter Drucker

Who Wrote These Funny Work Quotes

37 authors contributed a total of 38 Funny Work Quotes, led by these top contributors: